I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You need Xanax blowdarts
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Congratulations! We have a period
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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