So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
