that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
