walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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