I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
