yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
