Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
