I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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