We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
