our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
