It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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