You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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