I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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