is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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