So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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