im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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