Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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