You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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