Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
