My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
