just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
