Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
