I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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