i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
