i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
