I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
