She is in my trunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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