we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
