I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
