R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
