I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
