1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
