I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
