It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
