My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
