4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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