i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
