I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I smell stomach acid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
