I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
