That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
