I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
