I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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