I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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