So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
