You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
