Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
