Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
