The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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