Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's get the cat blown out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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