I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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