I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
