im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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