Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
