I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
