I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
