If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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