yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
