You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
